Car Accident

Last night was a long night. Since dad didn't like doing Board Ops, I worked board op for like 5 hours because of weather delay and didn't leave the station until 1 in the morning. Immediately leaving the building, I got the car in a ditch. :(

How you may ask?

Dad says not to tell mom it was from lack of sleep. I'll let him believe it was. I tried trekking my assistant that I saw something but she has been more and more difficult to communicate with.

But honestly, I'm not sure. Before, while in the office, I was dealing with Haven crossovers so that might have something to do with it.

But who can I even tell that to m not the PUs. They'll over react or not understand. Both my therapist are MIA for a week.

Regardless, even though Zach was hard to get a hold of, I was able to with dad's help since he knew their house number. Zach and Uncle Larry pulled the car out of the ditch and I was able to drive home after an hour.

When I came home, I got bitched at because dad didn't have insurance on the car yet because he was slacking on it. I just ended the conversation early to go to bed.

I wasn't planning in going anywhere today but dad needed someone to drive him to state college, even though I cancelled going to skills so I can have a moment to myself.

Gawd, I know I can say no but I said No 3 times yesterday and 1 time prior to that and I believe one this morning before I realized he wasn't going to let me rest about it.

I'm starting to really hate everything here.

I'm losing almost every and all reason to be here.

Suffering Quietly

I doubt they see how I suffer. They think they know but they don't how exactly often when I'm around them that I wish to just not be around. They have no idea how being around them simply makes me miss the family I had.

My wife
My son

The house we had.
The fun we shared.
The love that we grew.

Sitting with them, these people who I have adopted, to attempt to fill in the hole Jasmine created ... their actions and behavior only adds more salt into the gaping wound that was created when my family left me.

But honestly, I hope they never know how much I love them but that being with them kills me. Seeing Sue and Chuck together. To see Nakoma as a child. To struggle with the relationships of my brothers and to see them succeed and struggle with their significant others and their relations.

This constant reminder of a life that isn't mine. That I didn't help create. That'll never be Jasmine and Xavier. They'll never by my family.

And the worse thing is that I'll never have anything like them ever again.

Deserving of the Title

I have very few people under the "friends" category that I actually consider friends ... as you can see from my last post. But there are those that have earned the Title. Those that I know will raise me up when I need it ( especially when they are not aware that I need their strength the most )

Brandi has been the secret love of my life since Jasmine separated from me. She has been not only supportive but loving and always  uplifting. She is truly the best friend I could ever ask for. Ever. Of all time.

Katherine ( Kay ) reminds me very much of my friend from Haven and it almost brought me to tears the more she talked about herself and I realized how closely this new person is like my oldest and best friend from a place that is Haven. Jackie and Kay share horrible stigmatas in life, both hold a huge heart an  hope and faith in humanity that I have given up on so many times before. Kay is the embodiment of someone who I cannot see for a while, but having Kay has a friend fills me with awe and wonder. Maybe something is reminding me that thus world still has good people in it ... good people in my life ... That transcend even dimensions.

Zach is my adopted cousin. He is strong, both in strength and in his heart. Sometimes he is hard to get a hold of but he is that guy to get a hold of if you Wang something done. He is like me but not quite. And that is how people would say about my friend Tye. Another friend from Haven. I never would have believed in some sort of cosmic plan ... by  to have my 2 best friends from another world come into this plain of existence. Something has my ... our development in mind.

Paris (Vincent ) has survived through generations. But he was mainly associates to Theodore the Loser. However, his consult, advice, foresight and ambition has made him invaluable to United Separation and especially my own journey in TOW. He was knowledge of what was going on, even before Theodore himself was aware. I hope to allow him to be the GodFather of the LEGACY. No-one else  any world deserves the Title more so than him.

In my darkest of nights and the strictest of struggles, I must remember that besides Me, Myself and I, that I do have these 4 TOWians. These people I trust with my own development and care of affairs of United Separation ... and more so ... myself

Why I Am Selective

I do not choose people easily to be close to me. Maybe because people are truly unreliable at their core. And what I mean by people, I mean mainly TOWians. Michael got me to trust these people but more and more Simon's thought of these people are truer than anything else.

Misti, my assistant ... well now my ex-assistant, told something to the Queen of the Household that I told Misti in confidence. She told her something that Simon said I shouldn't have shared with her to begin with.

She shared the fact that Jasmine messaged me. Granted, I didn't reply because of the PFA, but her communication has significance. Both negative and positive.

She had no right to tell the Queen that information. Especially with our recent conversation of friendship. She wondered why I kept people at such a distance. And now she has pointed out on why.

She made a move that concerted her demotion and personally decline to me. Sadly, I feel I have lost an asset. However, if she is willing to break that level of confidence, I cannot even consider her a friend.

Same with Jennifer. She asked me to come and visit / help and she brought other people around and keeps trying to get me to explore Clearfield and even had someone over. Some one I never met or know her associates.

Keeping me in an unsafe and uncomfortable environment.

And this is why I choose to be alone over anything else

Tower Security and Something Lost was Replaced

Yesterday, Zach took me and CJ to DuBois to get him a game and eat Chinese Food ... on his dime. Having other people pay anything for me never sits well with me. However, Zach is like Tye in TOW form. Hard for me to say No to him.

I was even able to get a foundation weapon for MAD's "Ebo Aku" since Lynnanne and Co. lost/sold/gave most of what we had away ... and his Ebo Aku was one of the things that wasn't waiting for him when we came back.

I gave it to him last night. He was in the storage cubbie hole in the attic ( my room, the Tower ). He seems ... happier, when he reached out for his new 'pencil'. Hopefully, he works for him.

However, coming home, Mom ( Sue ) informed me that she gave Tyler a key to get into my room. He lent me a cable cord so I could try to get the PS3 to work again since I finally got that back from Matt ( Zach's friend who now lives with AJ ). But I ended up just buying a HDMI cord for it so I didn't need it anymore but he said that he'd let me know if he needed it again.

Well, he needed it yesterday and instead of trying to send me a message or anything, mom just gave him the key to get into my room without bothering to try to contact me for my permission or just to let me know.

Times like these makes me wish that Spencer wasn't right. He said he swapped out our key for a fake one. If she ever actually needs to get into the Tower for an emergency, we'd eat that 'bullet' ( so to speak ). But she didn't need anything in the Tower. Tyler wanted something and they were going to go into my room to search for it. It wasn't like the damn thing was visible. I put it in a drawer that anyone who wasn't US would have known it was there. They would have had torn the room apart to just find it.

I hate it when he is right. I hate that Mom ( Sue ) had no respect for me, even though I have tried really hard to respect her and her space and her rules and who she is.

Spencer always hates TOWians because they just do whatever they want. And with each passing day, week, month, year ... he seems more and more right.