Thursday, July 6, 2017

What I Am Responsible For

I cannot pinpoint what day this happened. In the past 30 days I am sure.

It had something to do with me and mom arguing again. I am sure he won't remember. He barely remembers much of anything that is actually important. Where he leaves things. Appointments that he has. Work schedules or even events that isn't work related.

Whilst spitting some "holier, wiser, smart and better than thou" bullspit, he goes "no wonder your wife left". He said it so quickly and moved on to the next thing he was bitching/griping/complaining about something ( yes it started with me and mom debating or potentially bumping heads about something ).

Like I said, he probably won't ever remember saying it or if he does, he'll half-assly say he 'very well might have said it', or something weak like that.

This is where he is. He is always right. Even when he is wrong he is right. He angers me so much. He disgusts me so much. Not before, but when Simon showed me how manipulative he is, especially to those in the house, I want to puke when I think about it all.

So why am I still here. Why didnt I leave then when he said what he said ( obviously to hurt me )?

Sue, Tyler and Nakoma.
Because of L ... LaFall. It is the least I can do for what happened. What I am responsible for.

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

What I Fight For

Yesterday was the 4th of July and honestly it means more to TOWians than to U.S. but yet we still celebrated our own liberation from a tyrant that wanted to conquer our world.
The Darkness.

And even with the revelation that that same tyrant is also a persona, which made the celebration a sober one, it is a celebration of freedom none the less. Even for me, an old solider of The Darkness.

Luckily, this year, I didn't have to drive the damn QWIK ROCK bus like I did last year ( which I hated people it was during a parade that people are absolute dicks in this area it seems with h them throwing things and saying shit and junk ). I didn't even have to watch the damn parade.

But I did watch it from the tower whenever I heard her baton squad walk through. And even though she isn't my actual daughter, I was so proud of her and what she has accomplished so far in her life.

She came over after the parade and told me how her school year ended. She told me more about her boyfriend/girlfriend, Seth ( which is another can of worms I am dealing with ... and mainly because of Seth's attitude towards me ) and how hard it is living with her foster family.

And while she is telling me all this, I realize how much I have missed of her life while she has been away. It saddened me, but I am glad that she made the time and effort  to see me. It made "my heart swell 3 times its normal size".

So even though I could talk about how the cost of freedom for  the masses comes to at a steep price to the few that fight for it, or the link that to my life in Haven ... or how I feel trapped here in TOW and the Myers Househould ... but my UoA daughter, Sarah, made everything worth it for now. Right now, she showed me the human element ... a glimpse at my fatherhood skills. She reminded me on why I put up with so much. What I fight for ...

I hope ... I hope I can be better for Xavier. Way better. I hope he looks at me and talks to me eventually like Sarah does.