I doubt they see how I suffer. They think they know but they don't how exactly often when I'm around them that I wish to just not be around. They have no idea how being around them simply makes me miss the family I had.
The house we had.
The fun we shared.
The love that we grew.
Sitting with them, these people who I have adopted, to attempt to fill in the hole Jasmine created ... their actions and behavior only adds more salt into the gaping wound that was created when my family left me.
But honestly, I hope they never know how much I love them but that being with them kills me. Seeing Sue and Chuck together. To see Nakoma as a child. To struggle with the relationships of my brothers and to see them succeed and struggle with their significant others and their relations.
This constant reminder of a life that isn't mine. That I didn't help create. That'll never be Jasmine and Xavier. They'll never by my family.
And the worse thing is that I'll never have anything like them ever again.