Saturday, January 21, 2017

When Anger Gets Thrown Into Question

Sometimes ... most times, I struggle with my anger. Not because I feel being angry is bad. I have learned that anger is a normal and healthy emotion to experience.

No, my problem is identifying why I am angry. Or to figure out if it is worth getting angry about.

Jacques helped me understand that sometimes, an isolated situation can have a cut and dry solution but other times, other factors can make something that seems small have more importance.

For example, last night at dinner, I was thirsty. So, seeing that Bobby had a glass of Moutain Dew that he left behind for over 15 minutes to dick around with no hint that the dicking around was not gonna end. So I leaned over, picked up the glass and commenced the drinking of the glass of Mountain Dew.

So, this trigger Sue ( mom ) and Chuck ( dad ) to absolutely jump on my shit about me being it getting sick. In which I have explained that in the past year, I have gotten sick once. And that once time, I still managed to work and drive whoever around to whatever. And not only that, just about everyday, Bobby, CJ and Tyler drink each other's drink on the table when everyone else sees abd no one gives 2 shits, moans or fucks about. Bobby even said ( at that very time of the parental freak out ) that he does that regular and gives no shots about it.

Then they started on the idea that it isn't about me getting sick ( even though, once again, everyone else has done what I just did just once ) but it is that I could be a conduit for spreading sicknesses. As Bon chimed in with the saying "it is like playing hot potatoes with sickness" ( or something like that ).

However, I returned to the idea that everyone gets on my shit for something everyone else does on a regular abd no one bats a fucking delta's tots about. Then Josh chimed in that because in a group of about ten, me saying everyone is politically incorrect since not everyone does that. And to that I brought up how every family discussion starts with the idea that everyone is blamed and punished for what 2-3 people have done.

And as usual, no one seems to have given a sugar frosted fuck about what I said.

Then dad brought up that even though I have been sick once a year and everyone else gets sick once a day ( slight exaggeration ), I am more important and more paramount to the functioning of everything.

So with everything said and done, dad finally said that he didn't care either way. Which made everything fucking mute cuz he was the ringleader with this argument but succeeded in passing me right the fuck off.

And granted, they might have had valid points but what about me? I don't want to be wrong but how can I be right when I am wrong? And I think that is where I get angry.

Yes, I probably shouldn't have drank someone else s drink based on the fact that I could get sick from it. But to make such a big deal from it. To put me down and tramp on me like that ... but maybe I am blowing things out of proportions.

I feel like the big muscle guy in Sin City. The guy who forgets or doesn t understand why he kills people. Hell, he isn't malicious about it. It just ... something that he does and might even be semi justified by it. But because he cannot exactly remember how or why he is doing it ... the whole thing gets thrown into question.