Saturday, January 28, 2017

What I Fight for ...

my anger gets more and more each day.

first, let's talk about chuck, my adopted dad. i had a 'better me committee meeting' yesterday. had time to finish most of it yesterday but had the meeting a few hours late because i had to gather more information. i work hard trying to figure out finances and personal goals and life directions. actually working on me for the sake of me.

tonight, they got me to the dinner table again and he says [ paraphrasing of course ]:
"The reason I cannot take your meeting thing seriously is because you don't value your life enough ..." - Charles Myers
Now, in context, Josh was saying that he was worried about Spencer slitting his and Lynnanne's throat when I was living with them in State College and they were going to send us away. I do not remember any of that but I can understand that he was simply protecting US. Something that no one in this household seems to understand that United Separation is everything to me and my brothers. It defines freedom and liberation and opportunity in our word. Not a utopia but the opportunity for things to be better than what they were. And things were bad.

They'll never understand.

And obviously, with mom and dad fighting all the time now and mom coming to me to talk to calm herself down ... he has been a lot more ... ignorant and disrespectful. The fighting and the inability to understand US is killing my campaign to stay with or near them. So must staked against them ... against me ... and sometimes ... I wonder what I am even fighting for anymore.