Thursday, August 27, 2015

Privately Trying on Seeking Woman

Ok so against my better judgement, James convinces me that with Jasmine moving on from day one that I've spent enough time mourning my failed marriage and that I have to get back on the market.

Now I am bad at the whole dating thing. I suck at remembering dates and always keeping the other in mind when I have so much that I myself I want to do.  But that doesn't mean that I don't want to have someone along side me helping me and me helping them go through life.  Does that make sense? Probably not but I know that I don't want to be alone. I like cuddling, sharing, talking and such.  James is my personal Karma Sutra and he is giving me pointers and, honestly, as important as sex is in a relationship,  I find it more of an annoying choir. Luckily James is a pro in the field and he helps with what I lack.

However, I think that our conflicting interests are starting to cause issues.  Each day I find more people on my social medias whom I don't know and some of the people that I do know are getting the wrong ideas.

However, me, myself didn't have a clue on what to do. There was this girl, Lacy, an old friend, who found me when I came back into civilization and confessed that she had looked me for years. We went on a relaxation date and things were great. We kissed. We cuddled. We talked, joked and laughed. I felt comfortable again. We planned to hang out in the middle of the week.

The middle of the week came and went and nothing. Some excuse or another and then we planned for her to come over and hang out. However, the weekend came and she told me that since she just came out of a bad relationship that maybe she wasn't ready for one with me.

I was understanding.  I might have been willing to venture into moving on but maybe we were moving fast. We agreed that we wouldn't date but that we should still talk as friends. However she would never text first or return text.  Soon she became a memory and I moved on with life.

A few weeks ago she messaged me on Facebook after the "Theory of a Deadman" concert, saying she was there with her new boyfriend Mike. Yes. Another rejection.

James pats me on the back and tells me there are others.  He mentions how my adopted brother Bobby's girlfriend was very nice to us ... when knowing about mostly everything.  I always thOught of her as my personal therapist and James says that the best relationships happen between already established friends ( my paraphrasing ).

So I started talking to her more.  Asking her how she is, what's up with her day, tell me more about yourself, etc. etc. Eventually we bonded and confessed that there might be something there.  Even something as crazy as love. But she said that she didn't want to hurt me or that she didn't want me to hurt her Cuz she is still feeling the sting from when Bobby dumped her. I told her that I didn't want to be strung along until something "better" came around and she seemed to understand.  But she is going to college at the end of August so there is that and I remember college. Not exactly as place to try to keep a LDR working at.  She might surprise me and come back still interested ... but James tells me that if I weren't able to get her before she left, them she is pretty much lost.

Slightly devastated from yet another failure, James claimed that what I needed was a confidence boost. So we traveled to Clearfield for a few days to see a few people and help out others.  Remember that weekend where I helped Danny move his stuff into the U Haul?  Yea what I didn't mention was that James was also trying to see some of his prospects. People I necessarily didn't feel a relationship with them would have been beneficial to me, yet I still consider them friends because they have helped in previous chapters of my life.

Well to say the least, James had no such restraints.

After that week I felt drained and even more confused and depressed and my situation and my thoughts kept coming back to Jasmine. Haunted constantly by her. James doesn't have these problems but sadly I do.

And I don't ... or do I? I mean I can't let it go but I know that I have to eventually let her go because she dropped me like a hot plate.

But recently I've kind of been talking to a female, as a friend only.  Her name is Karla.  She is smart, intelligent, determined and a lot of the qualities that I myself have and value. I talk to her as a friend. And I enjoy the companionship in a way. 

James, on the other hand, has continued on with his activities since we both have such different values that we are searching for. The phone constantly going off and what not. It seems annoying to deal with it but he is my brother and I am stuck with him until the end.

Oh, Just a thought ... if I'm stuck with all my brothers then how am I took have a relationship.  I'll have to give one of them the boot ...