I love Jasmine with all my heart. I do! But there are things that stomps on my nerves.
I have learned to be a strong believer that actions speak volumes over the words that come out of the mouths of people. The vast majority of people can’t and don’t do what they say they are gonna do for one reason or another so I have learned not to believe it. Matter of fact, I have lent a friend of mine 20$ for something she seemed to really need so I sacrificed the 20$ I had so that she could. Now that was like 2 months ago. Still no return of the favor. Matter of fact, I haven’t heard from her in forever until yesterday where I remembered about her word. But like every other person, she had excuses. Saying that she was saving money to get herself an apartment ( which is everyone’s excuse for not returning money owed ).
So needless to say, I hate people who words don’t produce action. I work hard everyday to make sure that the things that I say I am going to do are done. I live by that code of ‘A MAN IS ONE WHO DOES WHAT HE SAYS TO THE BEST OF HIS ABILITY!’
Yet, Jasmine isn’t really capable of doing that without much reminder of her word. Matter of fact, she has a personal situation where her daughter, Tenia, is with her guardian without reasonable visitation guidelines for the past two years. Now, for weeks she hasn’t done much of anything concerning anyone to call or talk to or even looking for other avenues in trying to at least legally get to see Tenia. No actions to her constant, “I miss my daughter!”, “Why won’t that bitch let me see her?”, “This isn’t right!”. I understand that she doesn’t know what to do but … who does?! There are avenues to look into. I have told her about the Laurel Legal people who help low income families with such things. Even Children Youth Services help with visitation situations. But those are resources I have found. Hell, even her going to MidPen Legal for free legal advice was me pushing her to learn something rather than not doing a damn thing.
It is so frustrating. I mean, when parents say that they’ll do anything for their children, that should be carved in stone in their mind. Anyone who knows me knows that if I were in that situation that I would break open the heavens to make it happen for me. Even if it doesn’t get me directly there, it would put me in a better position today than yesterday.
I am not asking for perfection. I am not perfect by any measures. But DAMNIT! DO SOMETHING! Make that effort. Be exhausted by exhausting every option. Put the work in it. Put in the hours. Ask for help. Make shit happen. Hassel people. FUCK!
It just gets on my nerves that it is so hard to have her do even the small steps for whatever reason. Hell, it could be because she feels that the steps are too small or maybe she is scared or something. But dammit. It boils my blood and brings fire to my eyes when she doesn’t do what she should. That she just goes through her days and weeks putting so much effort in the mental missing her daughter to exhaustion without any sort of action. I mean, I shouldn’t have to go to Children Youth Services or MidPenn Legal or any lawyer to ask for advice or help with her situation. I understand help but what is she doing to my help? What is she doing towards her daughter? What is she DOING?!?! Her missing Tenia, her wishing she had her back doesn’t amount to action! Pure and simple.
I need to sit down. No one hears me.