Friday, June 30, 2017

Not Again

My agner right now it so high. I mean so high.
Misit came over ... what? On Wednesday. I was excited but it was odd. She felt distant. Like ... Idk, like she didn't want to really ... I don't know how to explain it. Be close I guess. Just that she was trying to keep her distance from me. I guess I was overly happy to just have her back for the moment that I didn't think too much about it.
But last night, we argued about the fact that she never really help me talk through anything. She just ... bitches at me and when I try, she ignores me by being on her phone o r she changes the topic. She got mad, then silent ... and then changed the topic.
I then said I was going to bed and she said that she wasn't tired. Figuring that she would come to bed shortly, I went to bed and fell asleep. When I woke up 6 hours later, she hasn't come to be. She was still at the fpot of the bed with her phone and her back to me.
And that was it. I realized that I couldn't do this anymore. I ... I had flashbacks of Jasmine not coming to bed. ON her phone or in the living room on YouTube or whatever she was 'really' doing. Flashback of Vincent telling me about Theo and what happened when he brought Lori to his place years ago ( in the middle of the night, she left to go and see someone else ).
It was then that I realized that I didn't want to be the fool anymore. That I am not going to spend energy on something or someone that doesn't care. WHo would rather be on their It is upsetting, and I am sure that the PU are going to bitch, but I honestly do not want her around me anymore. She ... she is tainted. And it hurts just to see her right now. At elast I feel better that she is leaving in a few hurs. I'll just not invite her. I am sure if she was up all night doing gawd knows what, she'll be ok not having to come back.