Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Ghosts Won't Let Me Move On

So last night Tammy offered to let me come over since she actually got a car do I was like, "sure, why not?"
I could feel James smile from another room and Spencer ran in and beginning to rant that "there is no reason to even go to her place or spend time with her! There is no benefit and I'm sure that it'll cause more trouble than is deserved."
And he was completely right. I left anyways. Showered, packed and put lotion on and everything. We had to talk about the drama between us, which isn't really important to the grand scheme of things, but had to be resolved.

Getting there, we talked about Tyra and Dwayen ( hey boyfriend ) and what not. More or less, we talked about a lot of what normal friends talk about while driving. However, she convinced to me that people around her neighborhood were getting nosey and she was worried about Dwayne hearing the wrong things from the wrong person. I told her that Dwayne actually likes me and that I had no intention of doing anything.

We got into the kitchen and we started cleaning and putting things away since she was just dissing out community food before she came to pick me up. And somehow one thing lead to another. I honestly don't know what came over me, whether it was the loneliness or even if was her or me that made the first move but ... things started to happen. You know, the touching and exploring and removal of clothes and whatnot.

We head upstairs and we start going at it ... until I start seeing Jasmine instead of Tammy. I shook my head and tried to keep going. Ignoring it in hopes it would go away and it did ... until it started happening again. 

Tammy and Jasmine don't look anything alike. They have different body types, different voices and personalities ... different everything! Even a age difference!

I excused myself to go to the bathroom.

I turn on the lights and bend over the sink to start heaving. Whatever, this was I wanted it out of me. I didn't even want to have sex with Tammy but it was the idea that I wanted to move on. To move past Jasmine. To get over her. If I can't even get intimate with anyone else ...

Then I looked up and I saw AJ! I immediately punched him in the face ... to find out it was the mirror. I was see him in the mirror ... as me! Me!

Tammy came in and asked what happened. I  was too shaken to reply immediately but I told her that I feel into it not thinking.

As she tried to bandage me up, I thought about why I was hallucinating. Jasmine was easy enough. She is still in me. Haunting me about moving on from her. Cursing me for even trying to breaking the family my end ( even though I am sure she is breaking the family from her end ). 

But AJ? Why him? And why him as me?

Then I realized why. Because Tammy was seeing Dwayne and here I am, with a woman taken by another man. Yea, she is not happy or he is slacking but that doesn't give me the right or ... I don't want to be AJ. I don't want to be a homewrecker. That isn't me. Maybe James but not me and I have to stop James from doing that too! Hell, I hated Lynn because she allowed other men to come into her house and do that shit to her.

No! I had to stop this before it started. It has went too far as it. So i told her I was gonna sleep downstairs. That I wasn't feeling this. She was argumentative at first but I convinced her that this was wrong for both her and me. She threw Jasmine in my face and went to her room and locked it. Probably crying.

Gawd, I don't need this. I don't want this. Not really. But I'll get home tomorrow. Some things need changed.