What I Fight For

Yesterday was the 4th of July and honestly it means more to TOWians than to U.S. but yet we still celebrated our own liberation from a tyrant that wanted to conquer our world.

The Darkness.

And even with the revelation that that same tyrant is also a persona, which made the celebration a sober one, it is a celebration of freedom none the less. Even for me, an old solider of The Darkness.

Luckily, this year, I didn't have to drive the damn QWIK ROCK bus like I did last year ( which I hated people it was during a parade that people are absolute dicks in this area it seems with h them throwing things and saying shit and junk ). I didn't even have to watch the damn parade.

But I did watch it from the tower whenever I heard her baton squad walk through. And even though she isn't my actual daughter, I was so proud of her and what she has accomplished so far in her life.

She came over after the parade and told me how her school year ended. She told me more about her boyfriend/girlfriend, Seth ( which is another can of worms I am dealing with ... and mainly because of Seth's attitude towards me ) and how hard it is living with her foster family.

And while she is telling me all this, I realize how much I have missed of her life while she has been away. It saddened me, but I am glad that she made the time and effort  to see me. It made "my heart swell 3 times its normal size".

So even though I could talk about how the cost of freedom for  the masses comes to at a steep price to the few that fight for it, or the link that to my life in Haven ... or how I feel trapped here in TOW and the Myers Househould ... but my UoA daughter, Sarah, made everything worth it for now. Right now, she showed me the human element ... a glimpse at my fatherhood skills. She reminded me on why I put up with so much. What I fight for ...

I hope ... I hope I can be better for Xavier. Way better. I hope he looks at me and talks to me eventually like Sarah does. 

As the anger grows

Lately, I've been extremely more angry. Angry at dad, Bobby, CJ ... Even Nakoma.

Saturday, Nakoma wanted to to watch scary movies with me and we had fun. Her running behind me during the scary parts and me being the big brother that I am too reassure her that there odd nothing to worry about.

After the movie, she was on her way downstairs when she saw a sticker she put on her months ago that said, "being drug free is the key to success". She started say that being drug free isn't really the key to success. I tried to explain to her that drugs confuse and distract you more so than one needs.

She started to argue that I was wrong.

Then I started to get upset because I know her ideals comes from dad. Dad himself doesn't do drugs now but her grew up in the age of sex, drugs and rock and roll. It kind of formed him into the person he is today. But he is kind if laxed on they idea of addicts and drugs, where as I have a stricter idea of drugs and what not.

It upset me that those ideals are being absorbed by Nakoma. Actually, it pissed me off.

But getting upset with her wasn't right. I was so upset that I stormed out, leaving her alone and not dissing to her the rest of the night.

The next day I felt horrible about being that crossed with her. I should have listened to what she had to say and worked with that. Not just label what I thought she was going to say as wrong but hear her out and give her my opinion.

That is the person I want to be. Ok want to be the good influence. To treat everyone I come across on a respectable adult level regardless of age or relation.

It is how I wanted to be after Michael found Mr, it is how I wanted to be when I was married to

Jasmine and how I want to treat my children.

I can't let this anger get the best of me. I have to ... calm down and deal with situations with assertiveness and not aggressiveness.

I need to be better ...