As the anger grows

Lately, I've been extremely more angry. Angry at dad, Bobby, CJ ... Even Nakoma.

Saturday, Nakoma wanted to to watch scary movies with me and we had fun. Her running behind me during the scary parts and me being the big brother that I am too reassure her that there odd nothing to worry about.

After the movie, she was on her way downstairs when she saw a sticker she put on her months ago that said, "being drug free is the key to success". She started say that being drug free isn't really the key to success. I tried to explain to her that drugs confuse and distract you more so than one needs.

She started to argue that I was wrong.

Then I started to get upset because I know her ideals comes from dad. Dad himself doesn't do drugs now but her grew up in the age of sex, drugs and rock and roll. It kind of formed him into the person he is today. But he is kind if laxed on they idea of addicts and drugs, where as I have a stricter idea of drugs and what not.

It upset me that those ideals are being absorbed by Nakoma. Actually, it pissed me off.

But getting upset with her wasn't right. I was so upset that I stormed out, leaving her alone and not dissing to her the rest of the night.

The next day I felt horrible about being that crossed with her. I should have listened to what she had to say and worked with that. Not just label what I thought she was going to say as wrong but hear her out and give her my opinion.

That is the person I want to be. Ok want to be the good influence. To treat everyone I come across on a respectable adult level regardless of age or relation.

It is how I wanted to be after Michael found Mr, it is how I wanted to be when I was married to

Jasmine and how I want to treat my children.

I can't let this anger get the best of me. I have to ... calm down and deal with situations with assertiveness and not aggressiveness.

I need to be better ...

She is not Jasmine

So after Candi's no site, I was obviously still upset but I still have a few wise friends that I talk to. Mainly Kayelyn, who has been my platonic soulmate since we met and she has been my voice if reason ever since. She puts me in my place when I need to and she shows love and concern. She is a valuable asset to me.

I told her what was going on and she explained that I shouldn't be so hard on her. I then explained that it is a level of respect. Jasmine lost respect for me "as a husband" and that killed me hard then. It is that thought behavior that had her stealing money and having AJ sleep in our bed when I wasn't around and everything what. I swore I wouldn't allow that to happen again. No matter what.

Kayelyn replied:

Everyone deserves their own chance on their own merit, she isn't Jasmine.

She explained that she didn't mean to hurt me and I shouldn't allow a momentary flaw bar myself from someone great to me. Mom and Frosty said the same thing to me.

So I messaged Candi and talked to her about what I felt. She was remorseful and apologetic so I feel that she wasn't being malicious with her action. I told her my train if thought so that she sound understand where I was and how I got there mentally. She said she understood and said she would do her best not to let that happen again.

So things are kind of on track. We are taking and being lovey dovey. Can you believe that we haven't jumped into anything. What I mean is that we haven't sent any nudes or talked too naughty or jumped the gun with saying LOVE yet ( even though I feel we are heading in that direction ).

I'm feeling better with it all. I am gonna be more cautious but I try not to let that prevent our progress. I want this to work so I will put the effort for success here!