What I Fight For

Yesterday was the 4th of July and honestly it means more to TOWians than to U.S. but yet we still celebrated our own liberation from a tyrant that wanted to conquer our world.

The Darkness.

And even with the revelation that that same tyrant is also a persona, which made the celebration a sober one, it is a celebration of freedom none the less. Even for me, an old solider of The Darkness.

Luckily, this year, I didn't have to drive the damn QWIK ROCK bus like I did last year ( which I hated people it was during a parade that people are absolute dicks in this area it seems with h them throwing things and saying shit and junk ). I didn't even have to watch the damn parade.

But I did watch it from the tower whenever I heard her baton squad walk through. And even though she isn't my actual daughter, I was so proud of her and what she has accomplished so far in her life.

She came over after the parade and told me how her school year ended. She told me more about her boyfriend/girlfriend, Seth ( which is another can of worms I am dealing with ... and mainly because of Seth's attitude towards me ) and how hard it is living with her foster family.

And while she is telling me all this, I realize how much I have missed of her life while she has been away. It saddened me, but I am glad that she made the time and effort  to see me. It made "my heart swell 3 times its normal size".

So even though I could talk about how the cost of freedom for  the masses comes to at a steep price to the few that fight for it, or the link that to my life in Haven ... or how I feel trapped here in TOW and the Myers Househould ... but my UoA daughter, Sarah, made everything worth it for now. Right now, she showed me the human element ... a glimpse at my fatherhood skills. She reminded me on why I put up with so much. What I fight for ...

I hope ... I hope I can be better for Xavier. Way better. I hope he looks at me and talks to me eventually like Sarah does. 

Hating the Mask

Today, was a bad day. Dad referred to me as a pussy again. When he does that I want to throw stuff at him, smash his head in, shoot him in the thigh and step in it to make him suffer, crack a baseball bat at his back to just watch him suffer.

The Darkness breaking through. Like withdraw.

But Spencer order me nit to take any action. That relocation from the situation I created can't be escaped from. That the legacy must be returned to U.S. and that suffering the constant insults and belittling is my punishment I must endure for speeding up his damn timetables

But I know if I take actions, then he'll say that he was "just kidding" and that "I shouldn't have taken it so seriously" or I "shouldn't get butthurt" our some dumb shit or something stupid that he always says. Don't take it personally but they'll label me as such.

Fuck! I'm angry ... again! Angry all the time. And I'm not the beat you down kind of guy .. I'm the tie you to the bed when you sleep as I burn your house down around you kind of thing.

Or maybe I should bring Seth back. I notice how he looks at them. Even Nakoma. And CJ. He wants to beat CJ. He wants to break Bobby. He wants to ... he doesn't wan anything good for these people.

And this is my brother! They don't know what have been done just cause. Living in TOW at first there were little restrictions. Bad things happened. Some of my brothers keep good of that feeling while most of us tried to change and adapt to U.S.'s rules for TOW.

My family now won't know. The first few knew and they ... they aren't ... I can't let that happen again. Spencer thinks that I have forgotten but sometimes I remember. I know I forget because of him but sometimes I remember.

I can't let ... I have to control my brothers. My real brothers. They'll ruin everything.

Maybe I have to leave. I hate this mask I have to put on to protect people. So let me stop and save them by leaving.

It'll be best for everyone. Pack up and move on to the next level. Unless, I can come up with another solution but honestly I hate quitting and running.