Scary Halloween

So Friday, instead of bringing Nakoma with Karla and I to the Haunted House in Philiphsburg, Nakoma went with mom and dad to see Blind Shift in Clearfield and Karla had dinner with her folks. What did I do you ask? Well, Kayla offered to take me to another Haunted House in Beccaria and I took it because CJ had brought a female friend over and James was getting excited ( which usually isn't a good sign ).

So I showered and half way through my hair cut she arrived so it is incomplete. I look like Kid from the movie "Kid N Play" but shorter than the old school eraser head look. But I figured since it was so late and all that no one would notice in a dark haunted house.

The ride to the Haunted House was interesting. She talked less about her past fuck buddies and actually told me about where we were going. When she started taking I realized that I should have taken Spencer's suggestion and do research on where we were going but I felt since it was such short notice that it wouldn't be worth the rush effort. That and it is just a haunted house, right?

Turned out that she actually used to live at this Haunted House when she was a preteen. She wasn't clear if it was actually haunted but she was told a lot off ghost stories about the place when she was younger. The place was built in the 1800 and the Historical Society restored it be functional during the holidays ... especially Halloween.

We got there and I was expecting more people but I was relieved that it wasn't that packed. Kayla knew a guy or two who were dressed up as monsters there. Not really surprising but still a sight annoyance. I've been around people who were "popular" but with Kayla I find it more annoying than flattering or whatever.

Regardless, the house was huge. Like close to, if not exactly, twenty rooms and three stories. The actors portraying demented and psychotic hotel workers and tenants on something they call "Dead and Breakfast" ( a play on "bed and breakfast" ). None of it was really corny. Reminded me of America Horror Story kinda stuff.

Kayla made it an effort to hold me close. Probably to make sure I didn't explore the place independently like I wanted to. I looked at everything like I was investigating a crime scene again. Identifying items of interests and what not. Noticing knives before they were grabbed by the actors and finding trails of blood and analyzing how demented the scene was. And this place was really well planned to be very demented. Pale faces, splattered with blood, with clean clothes ( other than the blood ) and crazy hair. Reminded me of the Devil's Rejects in a way. Really interesting. Really glad it was fake.

Afterwards we chilled for a little while and then she took me home. She wanted to meet the familly even though I explained that the adults were out with the event. She came in and I tried to treat her as much as a "just friend" girl as possible. I didn't need the extra hassle of my brothers ( and potentially dad ) and she got the hint and was doing the same thing. However, after she left, she seemed to have done too well of a job and now my brothers ( at least CJ doesn't like her ). I suppose that is okay for the moment. If she ends up being more long term then ... she'll make up for the behavior of that night. If not that she is no worse for wear.

I am not sure what I am going to do with her. If she is just someone who is currently there or if there is some sort of deeper meaning for her existence in my life. Do I want her in my life? I am not talking permanently or anything like that but more of a "is she useful" as  Spencer would ask of person that is introduced into not just my life but our lives. I allow myself to be a little more understanding and compassionate ( thank you earlier version of Jasmine ). People aren't just to be used and then thrown away when no longer useful. That isn't how people should be.

At the same time, you shouldn't have people in your life that suck up what they can from you be it attention, love nor money without some sort of equivalent exchange. Kayla satisfy a certain level of companionship that I don't mind at the moment but at the back of my mind, I do have to remember that she is an ex-girlfriend ... who dumped me at that.I shouldn't be so desperate for companionship that I am willing to fall into the same trap that I did years ago.

But I am all about second chances, aren't I?

Privately Trying on Seeking Woman

Ok so against my better judgement, James convinces me that with Jasmine moving on from day one that I've spent enough time mourning my failed marriage and that I have to get back on the market.

Now I am bad at the whole dating thing. I suck at remembering dates and always keeping the other in mind when I have so much that I myself I want to do.  But that doesn't mean that I don't want to have someone along side me helping me and me helping them go through life.  Does that make sense? Probably not but I know that I don't want to be alone. I like cuddling, sharing, talking and such.  James is my personal Karma Sutra and he is giving me pointers and, honestly, as important as sex is in a relationship,  I find it more of an annoying choir. Luckily James is a pro in the field and he helps with what I lack.

However, I think that our conflicting interests are starting to cause issues.  Each day I find more people on my social medias whom I don't know and some of the people that I do know are getting the wrong ideas.

However, me, myself didn't have a clue on what to do. There was this girl, Lacy, an old friend, who found me when I came back into civilization and confessed that she had looked me for years. We went on a relaxation date and things were great. We kissed. We cuddled. We talked, joked and laughed. I felt comfortable again. We planned to hang out in the middle of the week.

The middle of the week came and went and nothing. Some excuse or another and then we planned for her to come over and hang out. However, the weekend came and she told me that since she just came out of a bad relationship that maybe she wasn't ready for one with me.

I was understanding.  I might have been willing to venture into moving on but maybe we were moving fast. We agreed that we wouldn't date but that we should still talk as friends. However she would never text first or return text.  Soon she became a memory and I moved on with life.

A few weeks ago she messaged me on Facebook after the "Theory of a Deadman" concert, saying she was there with her new boyfriend Mike. Yes. Another rejection.

James pats me on the back and tells me there are others.  He mentions how my adopted brother Bobby's girlfriend was very nice to us ... when knowing about mostly everything.  I always thOught of her as my personal therapist and James says that the best relationships happen between already established friends ( my paraphrasing ).

So I started talking to her more.  Asking her how she is, what's up with her day, tell me more about yourself, etc. etc. Eventually we bonded and confessed that there might be something there.  Even something as crazy as love. But she said that she didn't want to hurt me or that she didn't want me to hurt her Cuz she is still feeling the sting from when Bobby dumped her. I told her that I didn't want to be strung along until something "better" came around and she seemed to understand.  But she is going to college at the end of August so there is that and I remember college. Not exactly as place to try to keep a LDR working at.  She might surprise me and come back still interested ... but James tells me that if I weren't able to get her before she left, them she is pretty much lost.

Slightly devastated from yet another failure, James claimed that what I needed was a confidence boost. So we traveled to Clearfield for a few days to see a few people and help out others.  Remember that weekend where I helped Danny move his stuff into the U Haul?  Yea what I didn't mention was that James was also trying to see some of his prospects. People I necessarily didn't feel a relationship with them would have been beneficial to me, yet I still consider them friends because they have helped in previous chapters of my life.

Well to say the least, James had no such restraints.

After that week I felt drained and even more confused and depressed and my situation and my thoughts kept coming back to Jasmine. Haunted constantly by her. James doesn't have these problems but sadly I do.

And I don't ... or do I? I mean I can't let it go but I know that I have to eventually let her go because she dropped me like a hot plate.

But recently I've kind of been talking to a female, as a friend only.  Her name is Karla.  She is smart, intelligent, determined and a lot of the qualities that I myself have and value. I talk to her as a friend. And I enjoy the companionship in a way. 

James, on the other hand, has continued on with his activities since we both have such different values that we are searching for. The phone constantly going off and what not. It seems annoying to deal with it but he is my brother and I am stuck with him until the end.

Oh, Just a thought ... if I'm stuck with all my brothers then how am I took have a relationship.  I'll have to give one of them the boot ...