Questioning my Fatherhood

Yesterday, Dad invited the local relatives over for a BBQ in our backyard. I didn't really want to make an appearance because ... well, I don't know them that well. I rather meet people in segments and slowly rather than 'oh hi! my name is ... ". I rather see you a few times while doing a choir. Give them time to get used to me. But in a group setting, it is difficult for U.S. to say the least.

Well, my cousin, Zack, brought his girlfriend ( whose name escapes me but I am sure it starts with a K so I am gonna call her K ) came too and brought her nephew.

He looked the size of Xavier but more energetic.

Suddenly, I started to miss him tremendously. And I started to question ... if I allowed him to have more fun when he was with me. When we were a family, Jasmine kind of took care of the fun aspect but she was always out and about ( probably with AJ ). I mean, we had fun but he wasn't anywhere near as active as this nephew of K was.

I think about Xavier, constantly ... but there are times that I question if I were a good enough father to my son :(