Proof is in the Cleaning

So, after I realized that my two hours of gamage was all I was getting when dad came down to work, cook, eat and watch TV, I went upstairs to lay down only to find out that the usual spots were taken. I looked into Tyler's room and saw CJ's futon frame still sitting there and the room still in disarray even though the boys have been home since Thursday.

So today, I rolled up my sleeves and started cleaning. Put clothes away and threw away trash and rearranged the room.

Originally, I was just gonna clean until Matt, Brandi and Amanda came to pick me up to hang out over night at their place. Honestly, I want crazy about hanging out with Amanda. She's nice but really forward and eager to jump into a relationship with me ... and she never even seen me before! O.O Stranger Danger!

Anyways, I threw stuff set and tried to set up my side of the room. I know I'll be leaving in a few months but that doesn't mean that in the mean time that if I can actually lay in a bed that I won't. Besides, I figured it would be nice to have a room ... even if I am sharing it with Tyler. Luckily, I like Tyler the most.

But I finished, while having to wait downstairs for two hours to take dad to the clinic and to get ham for Easter Sunday. I even swapped the broke ass tv that was hidden under junk in the room for a better one that was in the basement. I wanted to hook up a Xbox 360 on it but the one I found in the room, Bobby kept saying that it wouldn't work and would be a waste of my time. That comment annoys me.

Dad would use to say that I was wasting my time with Second Chance Reviews because it didn't bring money into the house. I ignored him and it had started growing slowly and steadily. I'm proud of it.

But last week, dad was on one of his rants about me leaving and said something like, 'if you think you can get Xavier without us, you are wrong. You will not be able to get Xavier back without us'. I wanted fyi punch him in the face so hard.

Both mom and dad think that I can't cut it in this fucked up TOW world but they very little about me. I lived on my own for a long while before Jasmine or anyone else was introduced into the picture. And they think they get what The Incident was all about but they never had a clue. Probably listened to Lynnanne and her fucked up web of lies and misconceptions. And whenever I try to open up and explain what happened, they either give me a blank stare or they flat out tell me I'm wrong.

It is like this entire house doubts me and I want to like ... idk .... burn it to the ground or something. And I don't get it cuz I do so much. Hell, I do more than any of my siblings or even my parents ( considering I do both and all jobs, choirs and tasks at time ).

I think I cleaned up the room for more than to just have space off my own. I did it to price to myself that I still got it. That I can still do what I put my mind set on.

So enjoy my little victory ... and trust me when I said I pulled off a miracle. This room was a living mess! This is a wicked improvement!

December Budgeting at Better Me Committee Meeting

So on the first, my case worker came over to where I work to have a meeting with me, mom and dad since that was where we all were. I was running late though because about an hour prior to the meeting I had to take Josh to work and I thought I had enough time to run him to with and come back.

When I came back to work, I had fifteen minutes left available for the meeting so I decided to talk about the main thing that I wanted to talk about, which was the December Budget. The December Budget that mom and me developed with the main source of income. 

To say the least I was proud of myself ... oh, and mom too.

Me and mom have been working on it for about a week or two and I felt it was kind of solid enough to present to dad as a goal for the month.

The meeting started off week enough but then dad started pointing out obvious holes in the plan. That the budget must have had unforeseen expenses and that unlike all the money the rest of the family makes, dad's money ( the biggest contribution ) was unknown and sporadic. We could estimate how much he'd get but not when he'll get it. 

That makes posing actual bills more difficult because even when based on everyone else's income we can pay all the bills and have plenty left over, the time the bills are due and reported that becomes irrelevant.

Then there is the idea that actual money is spent on food do that we can make it until assistance comes. And then there is the random, unknowable stuff like last month we had to buy spark plugs and the nee rotor. And then there I'd the cigarettes/snuff and random work meals.

However mom and me already considered much ( not all ) of these and we knew that showing dad the spreadsheet would require his own input.

He turned the spreadsheet inside out and in traverse but he couldn't figure out house we got our numbers because according to the spreadsheet we should have extra money at the end of the month but each month ... well we don't.

Nikki suggested that we make an actual account of what goes in and out of the household financially..

Walking Nikki to her car I spoke to her about dad's resistance to the work that we've done. Also, informed her that dad already pulled out three hundred dollars in cash from an account. I'm sure it went towards something that was needed or why else. I was already aware that under half of it went to food for the family.

I think we ( mainly mom and myself ) have to keep track of where they money goes and what not.  My thoughts are my own but I think mom suspects that dad is up to something.

Spencer suggested that U.S. have an exit strategy because this it's looking very simular to the Lynnanne situation. I'm going he's wrong ... but there is no harm in planning.