Showing posts with label angry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label angry. Show all posts

Friday, December 11, 2015

Dreaming of Eternity

Ever had a dream about an ex that shakes you? You wake up feeling that something is missing and then it hits you that what is missing is them.
That's what happened to me this morning. I woke up by dad telling me that I had to be up for the Renovo trip for work. I went to brush my teeth and I looked at myself in the mirror and went I snapped back into reality I saw tears in my eyes.

Then I got angry. How dare I think so lowly of myself to want her back. To dream of her at all after what she done to me.

But, God forgive this fool, I miss her and there is a part of me that honestly hopes she thinks of me ... of us. Of what we used to have.

Of the promise of eternity.

Sunday, November 29, 2015

She makes ME sick!

So my brother Bobby has asked about my dick size before, James' too. I tend to ignore the question and stop James from dropping hiss pants in front of everyone.

Bobby says that Brittany ( an ex friend to me and FwB to James ) and Lynn says we got a white boy dick. I shrug it off. I really don't give two flying fucks on hearsay of what two girls with hallway vaginas have to say. Besides, James says they kept coming back so that tells me that it obviously was not that bad.

But yesterday, Bobby claimed that we had white boy dick. I'm like, are you going to go off what a two tramps who no longer talk or like either me or James anymore? They could be lying for all he knows.

He said that Lynn, my sister had dick pictures to price it. I look to James, obviously pissed, and he gave me his silent "opps" shrug. Then Bobby said that Lynn said that I had sex with her and had sex with her husband Josh. I brushed it off but they look on his face was completely serious.

I started to feel sick. Just the thought of me having sex with her is sickening. Even if she isn't my actual sister, she is a horrible person inside and a disgusting person on the outside. My stomach turned and I wanted to vomit.

But once again, I look to James and he gives me his "opps" shrug and I instantly wanted to snag his head in. Dad came in and Bobby repeated what he said and he looked at me and said "you defiantly didn't do any of that Nick but I completely believe James did."

I swear I need to put a fucking chastity belt on James. Even if it isn't true. It is the idea that I'm guilty by association.

And now, days later, I feel sick to my stomach still. I need to get him tested ASAP. And I need stomach medication to settle the symptoms of this revelation.

I wish I didn't need James. That I could have a conversion without getting angry or so straightforward that it turns people off.

I need to get better socially myself. Then maybe I can move on from James because he is staying to rally damage my image here.