Veil of the Unknown

I was reading the blog of a close and personal friend and realized that what he was blogging about months ago should have been put to the test in my own life ages ago.

He was talking about how the fear of the Unknown ( or even the idea of going against the mainstream of normal ) can prevent us from doing a lot. I mean, a lot of people puff their chest and say that they don’t follow mainstream or that they do as they want but in reality … they are just fooling themselves. I have to say that about 90% of people that I see or even walk pass or encounter fall under the category of fearing the Veil of the Unknown.

They either do things out of fear or don’t do things out of fear. Be it fear of rejection or un-acceptance or whatever they case may be. I even fall under this category. There are two automobile businesses that I’ve walked to walk into and offer my free volunteer services in hopes to get my foot into the labor business. However, day in and day out, I find myself not erasing that from my ever changing list of things to do.

I am sure that isn’t the only thing that I prevent myself from doing out of fear of one thing or another. But after reading my friend’s post, I wanted to face fear. MY FEARS. The small things that I shied away from because I feared success or rejection mostly. I want to put myself out there and at least say that I did it. I made the effort. I want to … have the courage to make some changes. J

INSPIRATION @ THE DOT COM … WAR GAMES

So I was watching this video off YouTube with a bunch of guys playing out this team deathmatch ( I think ) in an abandon warehouse kinda thing and I get this idea, right? Link

Now imagine if I were able to get about … say eight ( 9 ) guys ( or gals ) who are interested in air soft or paintball and I set up a scenario. Two teams. One Package ( person ) that is valuable to both sides. Team A has to get Package to Point Z. Team B Has to retrieve Package before Team A gets it to Point Z within a time frame of X. Kinda complex but doable.

Why am I thinking about this? Because I want to do something like this. I want do be a part of something like this. And I want it recorded. Is it that wrong? I’ve wanted something for my CONFLICT category and this would satisfy it outside the gaming world.

The hugest problem would be … obvious.

Getting 9 people who want to be a part of this. And then maybe 4 people to record. … and then finding a location in where we won’t be called by the authorities for carrying realistic firearms.

Yea … Good Luck, right? ]sigh[

FutureMe.Org

To the advice of my close and personal friends, Vincent Cecelia, I have used FutureMe.Org to send myself a letter in the future.

The plan for this is to try to remind myself after a year of what is truely important.

Let's hope this really works.

The Power of the N-Word

Do you know what I hate so much? When ignorant, dirty, dirty low, good for nothing, fucking cunts!!!! that want to hurt someone like me ... all they have to say is a 6-letter word and I'm broken. Everything that I truely am. My character, my good deeds, my very well being gets destoryed. Completely!!!

How does one word completely destory a man.

Here is a better one. How does someone create such a word with so much meaning. How can a group of people create a word that means the lowest level of existence and THEN attach it to a whole race. For years people didn't just associate it with just anyone. Everyone knew that when it was said that they were referring to one specific group FIRST! A race of men and women who were broken and use as NOT people but a commodity. No, worse than a commodity.

There isn't any bullshit about people trying to say "No No they weren't hated and beaten and used and killed and considered worthless. You have the wrong idea there buddy!"

THAT WAS EXACTLY WHAT WE WERE. FOR WHAT?!?! FOR RICH WHITE PEOPLE TO FEEL BETTER!!! NO BETTER NO LESSOR.

So even now, when I hear the word, even when it isn't said to me or other African Americans, it kills me a little. It brings back all that hatred. That feeling of worthlessness. No matter what I do to rise above it. No matter what I do to success and to prove my worth ... to the people who see me, my lowest common demaonor is ... that word.

I can never win.

My goals are as followed:

Well, that is it for now.

[ ] Discover what kinda car I want to get.

Plan A [ ] Find an Online Murder Club

Plan B [ ] Just solve a problem that isn’t my own.

[ ] Design a topic to discuss for 5 - 10 minutes for vBlog

[ ] Get PS3 from VGX

[ ] Jog 2x a week